My Experience Learning About Systemic Racism

The first time systemic racism really, REALLY hit home for me was when my friend Tiffany got on Facebook live after Philando Castile was murdered four years ago and wept and talked about how she felt.

For the first time it wasn’t some abstract movement or cause, it was my friend hurting, and being willing to be vulnerable in front of her network via webcam on social media--a friend who I had laughed with, performed in a show with, and had great deep talks with, someone who I really admired and respected.

That was the day that the effects of racism were no longer in history books and musicals, they were in the faces of people I knew and loved. I saw the pain. I saw the fear. I saw how this was not abstract or “far away” to her, at all.

Later, Tiffany and I sat down at a coffeeshop and I told her how her posts on social media moved me, how they made me see things differently, how they spurred me to ask questions and listen.

She told me about her experience walking through the world, how she has spent a lifetime overcompensating to make white strangers feel comfortable. She smiles big. She’s chatty. She makes eye contact. If she’s walking behind someone she makes sure they know she’s there.

Just then a white girl at the next table over said to me, “Hey, I need to run to the bathroom, could you watch my stuff?”

Tiffany looked at me and said, “that never happens to me.”

“Strangers don’t ask you to watch their stuff?”

“No.”

Racism is overt and covert. It’s the assumptions you don’t even notice you’re making. I’m NO expert, but I know this: having conversations with black people, listening to their experiences, and not coming prepped with “another perspective” is a step in the right direction.

So white people, listen to the voices of minorities. Listen to what actual human beings have to say. And if you don't know someone who you can have these conversations with, lol, make a new friend that looks different than you.

And POC, thank you for sharing and please continue to do so. You never know who you are going to wake up with one post, one live video, or one conversation.

HuffPost: Once The Pandemic Is Over, Can We Keep The World This Accessible?

I’m pleased to share that my first personal essay for HuffPost was published on April 30. Here is a portion of it and a link to the entire article.

photo by hannah foster photography

Over the past decade, I’ve created a career for myself built on autonomy, flexibility and the power to drop my laptop into my backpack and work from anywhere. (Poolside always felt like a win.) I fancied myself a digital nomad. But everything got slower and simpler and much closer to home once I became a mother 18 months ago. The benefits of working from anywhere gave way to the benefits of working from home — a surprising next-chapter byproduct that I felt equal parts grateful for and challenged by. 

So when it became clear that the best way to slow the spread of COVID-19 was to stay in our homes, only venturing outside to get takeout or groceries, it sounded intense but possible. 

It reminded me of those first few months of having a baby, when my world went from expansive and far-reaching to the diameter of my 1,800-square-foot home. Hibernating with my newborn was a jarring change for me, an extrovert who enjoyed the perks of living close to the nation’s capital. After all, I moved to the D.C. metro area to enjoy meeting clients at coffee shops in Chinatown, regularly checking in on the art at the National Portrait Gallery, and gathering with throngs at the Kennedy Center to see live performances. 

But the reality of having a baby and suddenly being responsible for the life of another human meant that my 40-minute drive to Georgetown might as well have been four hours. Between feedings and nap schedules, I couldn’t leave the house for more than 90 minutes at a time even with baby in tow. And if I did plan ahead and hire help to watch the baby while I attended an event downtown, I was paying $60-$75 just for the travel time to get to the event — not to mention the cost of the time I’d actually be there enjoying it. 

As a first-time mom with many new line items on the budget, there was hardly space for both diapers and babysitting.

So I missed out a lot. I asked for phone calls with clients instead of working lunches. I listened to podcasts instead of attending breakfast lectures. I skipped the annual writing conference. Concerts and plays came and went without me. 

By my daughter’s first birthday, I had begun to head back out into the world more. I traveled several times to speak at conferences. I joined a co-working space, a local gym and a church. I left my home at least every few days. My pace was still incomparably slower compared to pre-baby life, but I was getting out with greater regularity. 

Still, this was only possible with meticulous planning. My husband and I tag-teamed schedules. I asked my parents to come for a long weekend months in advance and scheduled babysitters sometimes six or more weeks ahead of time. Every face-to-face interaction I got to enjoy happened because of layers of foresight, planning and budgeting.

Then social distancing became our new normal. As nonessential businesses shuttered, everyone began working from home (that is, the lucky ones who remained employed in jobs that could be done from home). All of a sudden, nobody was having working lunches. All my colleagues were staring at laptop screens and waving at webcams. The ground had been leveled. 

I began receiving invitations to live-streamed lectures. John Legend gave a concert on Instagram. Birthday cocktails happened over Zoom. Conferences moved online. The kind of events I had previously had to move mountains for were now popping up online. I had a veritable smorgasbord of lectures, workshops and other events to attend from my own home. How was I busier during quarantine than I was pre-quarantine?

6 Steps to Rewrite Your Internal Script Under Stress and Uncertainty

The following article is a guest post written by psychologist Dr. Joy Lere.

When we face circumstances that smash plans and expectations, we can quickly become emotionally depleted.  We crave prediction, calculation, and regularity. We favor an inaccurate forecast to no weather report at all.   The COVID-19 pandemic has rapidly turned lives, routines, schedules, plans, relationships, and careers inside out.  

The virus is eliciting a psychological and physical stress response that trips positive for most, regardless of whether they are infected, ill, or running a fever.  The term “stress” typically does not instinctually free associate to something positive for most, yet it is in the crucible of some kinds of stress and strain that strength and growth can be forged.   

Your life has been disrupted.  Perhaps you are facing possible job loss and are experiencing a spike in financial anxiety.  Maybe you are trying to adapt to a new role as a homeschool teacher but are feeling in over your head.  You and your spouse are potentially struggling to sync schedules and share space as you attempt to work from home.  The story you tell yourself about your current circumstances will impact your mood, and in turn, drive your behavior.  Rewriting your internal script can serve to reduce stress and create psychological breathing room when you are feeling mentally claustrophobic.  Here are six steps to rewrite your script when the show you are starring in has suddenly changed.

6 Steps to Rewrite Your Internal Script Under Stress and Uncertainty

1.  Reframe.  While there are many things that may exist far outside your scope of control, one of the most powerful is fully within your grasp: your internal monologue.  In certain scenes in the act you are living, it may serve you to edit your lines. Be careful not to play on repeat extremes of “always” or “never” in your head. Be on guard against labeling people or circumstances negative with no redeeming quality. Consider the potential power of creative improvisation. We are all, to varied degrees, making the rules up as we go as we wade into uncharted waters. Experiment with something new, see if it works. If not, you received feedback; don’t confuse this with failure. Adjust as needed. Cast limitations as safeguards. Let restrictions be seen as new opportunities to restructure. You can’t go to the gym right now, but you now hold a free membership and all-access pass to a studio where you can develop resilience and adaptability. These characteristics will set you apart long after this chapter is over.

2.  Inventory. Take stock of the resources currently available to you.  While inventories often involve lists, they actually start with powerful questions.  Consider:

• What do you have?  

  • How can you use it?  

  • How can you give it?  

  • What do you need?  

• What do you need?  

  • Where can you find it?  

• Who holds it?

3.  Focus on your haves.  Develop a regular gratitude practice by journaling or saying aloud three things you are grateful for at the start of your day and close of your night. These are powerful psychological anchors when it seems as though the walls are closing in around you. When you consider your list of “have nots” respond with a plan to secure them, not self-pity.  

4.  Structure.  As humans we crave rhythm, routine, predictability, and roadmaps. This is part of why this portion of lived history is proving to unravel and undo so many people in so many ways. We must accept that we cannot forecast, but we can —and must— continue to exist within the current fences of our lives. This is not vacation. This is not spring break. Develop a rhythm. Write out a schedule in advance. You’ve actually been given a new opportunity to figure out what the optimal one for you and your body is (hint: it’s maybe not 9-5).  Practice flexible regularity. Rhythm with give and grace.  

5.  Act.  Exercising agency will prevent psychological atrophy and emotional demise. In a world where much is out of your control, many things are not. Identify them, focus on them, do them.  Find practical ways to prevent, protect, learn, and serve.

6.  Speak.  You are more likely to spin in your head if you exist in a psychological silo. Sort through your feelings, fears, and options aloud with trusted friends, family, and/or a therapist. Ensure that the people you are entrusting your inner world to are not a triggering stimulus for becoming increasingly emotionally flooded. If you are flailing in the deep end, make sure you are reaching out to someone who is clearly and securely on the side of the pool – not drowning next to you.

Broken expectations can leave sharp shards that, unless handled carefully, can result in blood loss and pain.  Be diligent in how you are holding yours. Give the physical protective gear to the hospitals right now, but attend to your psyche with proper precautions.  Use kit gloves when necessary. Now is the time to be compassionate and flexible, but it is not the time to lower the bar. More than ever, it is time to rise to the occasion.  Pause (but don’t stop). Breathe. Invest. Create. Look. Discover. Contribute. Connect. Hope. Survive. Thrive.  

Dr. Joy Lere is a psychologist, consultant, speaker, and writer who practices at the intersection of behavior and business, specializing in work on the merger of money and mindset. Dr. Lere has previously served as an Associate Clinical Professor of Clinical Psychology at George Washington University and has held clinical and research positions at Children's National Medical Center, Penn Medicine Princeton Health, and the Department of Defense. Connect with Dr. Lere here. 

6 Tips for Getting Work Done with Kids at Home

New (temporary) normal: work from home with kids at home.

How can you be productive while parenting? How can you actually do your job when you have to simultaneously supervise children? 

As a work from home mother of a toddler who sometimes has childcare help and sometimes doesn’t, I have some ideas for you. Consider this your work from home parent pep talk. Here are six practical tips you can use right now to get things done while supervising kids at home. You can do this!

6 Tips for Getting Work Done with Kids at Home

1. Release the Monday through Friday 9-5 expectation and look for hidden pockets of time. During this strange season, it will be difficult if not impossible to get uninterrupted 40 hours of work in during traditional work hours. So go ahead and release yourself from that expectation. Maybe you have the kind of position where the number of hours you put in doesn’t even matter as long as you’re getting your work done. But if you do have a job where hours are counted, remember, there are plenty of other hours in the week that are perfectly acceptable to work on projects, especially if you can do so independently. 

As a work from home mom of a toddler, a world of possibility opened up to me when I realized I didn’t actually just have the window of 8 AM-6 PM Monday-Friday to complete my work. All hours of the week, Monday-Sunday were fair game to me. I don’t “deserve” to only work during traditional work hours. If I need to work at off times, then that’s what I’ll do. There are hidden pockets of time where you can get important projects done. For example, if I worked during my daughter’s nap and for three hours each evening and did not work at any point during the rest of the week I would clock at least 35 hours. It’s time to rethink our schedules if needed. Where are the hidden pockets of time in your schedule?

2. Get crystal clear on what matters most and plug it into your schedule. At the beginning of the week (or at the end of the prior week if you’re a Laura Vanderkam disciple like me) jot down what needs to be accomplished this week in order for you to win. Then estimate how long each project will take and block it out on your calendar. I can’t tell you how much more productive and efficient I have become since doing this as opposed to just having a long “To Do List” and working my way through it with no scheduling strategy in place.

I typically have somewhere between five and ten Big Rocks on my list for each week. These are the first items that get put on my schedule. Other less important items get scheduled around them. So even if I find myself short on time on a given day, if I knock one of those items off my list, I’ve won. This practice not only helps me accomplish what matters most, it is also an excellent exercise in determining what is most important. Often in work we don’t even take the time to decipher what matters most.

3. If you are an employee, be communicative with your supervisor about the reality of the situation at home. Standing meetings with more than three or four people may not be able to be moved, but calls that pop up with just a handful of people should be able to be scheduled at a time that works for everyone in attendance. Ask to adjust planned calls and meetings in advance so it coincides with planned quiet hours for your children. And don’t be afraid to liberally use that mute button on your phone. No need for everyone to hear everyone else’s background noise for the duration of the call. 

We are all in this boat together so your supervisor will likely understand your request for flexibility. And he or she will likely understand a little noise in the background as well. Remember to have grace with yourself and your family in the same way you would give grace to someone else. 

4. Employ the 80/20 Rule and the Minimum Effective Dose. You may not be able to do everything you were doing prior to working from home with kids. But that may be ok! Take a look at what has been on your plate with fresh eyes. What can be eliminated? What truly did not move the needle? What was wasteful? According to the 80/20 Rule, 20% of efforts yield 80% of results. What is the 20% of your work that matters most? 

Getting clarity on the Minimum Effective Dose is crucial too. Water boils at 212 degrees. There is no need to heat it to 213 degrees. What is the equivalent in your work to 213 degrees? What has been eating up your time and energy that has really not helped you or your team reach its goals? 

5. Ask for help. If you have a partner, both of you are impacted by working from home and having kids at home. While often childcare duties fall a little more on to one parent than the other, it’s important that everyone pitch in to help. And it’s even more important to ask for the help that you need. Don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. Try to anticipate what your needs will be. I recognize that my patience and energy wane with my toddler after three hours of uninterrupted time together. That is a good time for me to tap out, if even for a little while. 

And take a look at your schedules together. Determine how you can split duties during traditional work hours and make up time missed during evenings, early mornings, and weekends. In my family our daughter needs attentive care for about 27 hours of the traditional work week, so we have determined how to split those hours up between the two of us and complete our work during non-traditional hours. Strategize, slice and dice those schedules, and collaborate. 

6. Remember: it’s a season. Keep things in perspective. This is a weird time where everyone has to make sacrifices--a really strange phenomenon in our individualistic culture. But making sacrifices for the wellbeing of others is refining and sharpens character in a way that you know well because you are a parent. 

This is a season of sacrifice and it is a season that will end. So don’t be dismayed. Take it one day at a time. Don’t let your mind race to the long view and get anxious about how many days this will last. Just focus on today. Remember this is temporary. Take stock of what is good around you. And choose to do what you can to make today great. 

My Top 10 Books of the 2010s

I’m still not quite done looking back on the last decade…

…(after all, who among us noticed the decade was coming to a close until approximately December 27?) So today I want to share the books that made the biggest impact on me from 2010-2019.

These aren’t necessarily books that were published between 2010-2019, but they were books that I read during the period from my mid-twenties to my mid-thirties (a pretty pivotal period of life.)

All the books that meant the most to me settle into two categories: “Creativity and Work” and “Personal Development.” I picked five for each. And yep, they’re all nonfiction. (I know, I know…) Goal for the next decade: diversify.

My Top 10 Books of the 2010s

Creativity and Work

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
I loved the 12-week study on rediscovering creativity. This should be standard fare for anyone in a creative field or who enjoys creative hobbies. I read this in a reading group with several other people. I highly recommend doing it that way. 

Creativity, Inc. by Ed Catmull 
This is a fascinating look into the brilliance of how Pixar Animation is run. I stole the “personal board of directors” concept from this book and still use it today.

4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris 
This book has made the biggest impact on how I approach my career of any book I’ve read. Batching tasks, outsourcing, and minimum effective dose are all concepts that I learned in this book that I use every single week. 

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert 
This book taught me not to take talent, success, recognition, and creativity so seriously. If you love something, do it for the joy of it. Don’t put expectations on it. I loved this book so much I even wrote a blog post about it and made a pretty printable discussion question guide.

The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp
The connections Tharp draws between routine and creativity transformed my perspective on what it means to be creative. Don’t expect inspiration to simply strike. Habits and discipline lead to creativity.  

Personal Development

Atomic Habits by James Clear
This book transformed my perspective on goals and habits. Tiny changes can have a mammoth impact. This is a book I will re-read. 

Essentialism by Greg McKeown 
This is one of the most challenging books I’ve ever read because I tend to be a person who likes a smorgasbord of options. But this book encourages its reader to ruthlessly pare down so you can accomplish what’s truly most important.

Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport 
I read this one along with its predecessor, Deep Work, just last year. Newport gives some incredible food for thought on what’s wrong with our culture’s passive relationship with technology. 

The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Riso & Hudson
This deep resource on the Enneagram had a profound impact on me. I wrote about what I learned about the Enneagram, anxiety, and gratitude here. 

168 Hours by Laura Vanderkam 
“You have more time than you think.” This book re-shaped my way of looking at my calendar, scheduling, and time. If it weren’t for this book I wouldn’t be able to do what I do and be as present for Eloise as I am. (Thank you Laura.) 

These are the ten books I read in the last decade that impacted my approach to career and life the most. I also read a lot of memoirs and these two were my favorites: Booked: Literature in the Soul of Me by Dr. Karen Swallow Prior and Born Standing Up by Steve Martin. 

What books did you read in the last decade that were transformative? I’d love to hear. 

Hobby vs Side Hustle: How to Know If You Should Go Pro

Ever since the Great Recession hit over a decade ago, the pressure to turn hobbies into side hustles has intensified.

Between the sharing economy, the gig economy, and the ever expanding freelance landscape, it seems any hobby you do for fun, well, you could and should monetize.

So, is it time your hobby should turn a profit? There are considerations to make before you turn your hobby into your side hustle. In some cases it can be a fulfilling way to earn a supplemental income. But in some cases the experience could lead to burn out and loss of interest in your passion, not to mention the slew of proven benefits that come with embracing a hobby and leisure.

To get clarity on whether you should monetize your passion project or embrace it as a leisure activity, answer these five questions.

Hobby vs Side Hustle: How to Know If You Should Go Pro

1. Would you resent it if your side hustle didn’t meet your financial needs?
   
   If yes, HOBBY.
   
   Imagine turning your hobby into your work and depending on your gigs, customers, and clients to help you keep the lights on and put food on the table. Now imagine if it got hard. What if you weren’t earning what you need to earn so you had to turn to another part-time job? Would you resent your passion? Would you be frustrated that you couldn’t achieve a certain standard of living? If you have a hunch that the answer would be “yes,” then perhaps you should let your passion be your hobby and earn a paycheck doing something else.
   
   

2. Are you ready to make sacrifices to go pro?
   
   If yes, SIDE HUSTLE.
   
   Are you game for spending extra time on work to meet financial needs? You will probably need to say “yes” to clients and projects that aren’t your dream projects. When your hobby becomes your hustle you may have to take on projects that you don’t love. You may have to commit to inflexible deadlines and deliverables. If you don’t mind ramping up your discipline around your hobby and losing some control over deadlines and deliverables, then turning your hobby into a side hustle may work well for you. 
   
   

3. Does your interest serve as a great escape and outlet for you?
   
   If yes, HOBBY.
   
   Picture yourself in your favorite vacation destination. Then picture yourself picking up and moving to that destination. Maybe it feels great at first, but then you quickly realize you no longer have a favorite vacation destination to get away from it all from time to time. Same principle. If your hobby serves as an amazing stress-reliever and escape for you, you may consider holding that sacred space and letting it be just that. 
   
   

4. Is there a gap in the market where your product or skill fills a need?
   
   If yes, SIDE HUSTLE.
   
   This involves some real self-awareness, market research, and gut-level honesty. Is your work or product highly available? Does the market demand show you that you would get consistent work? If your skill is not in high demand, you will likely enjoy using it more as a hobby than as a way to earn a living.
   
   

5. Does the idea of getting the approval and input of a manager or client take the wind out of your sails?
   
   If yes, HOBBY.
   
   If you like to work on your own timeline, tinker ‘til you’re happy with a product, and decide for yourself if something is “good” or “finished” then turning your hobby into a hustle will probably squelch your joy. 

If limitations and financial pressure don’t make you come alive, then monetizing your passion is probably not a good idea. If you treasure the lack of stress associated with your hobby, then consider that monetizing it will not bring you joy. But if there is a need for your work in the marketplace, if you get energized by doing the work no matter the limitations placed on it, then your hobby may be more than just a hobby--it could be a very successful and meaningful side hustle in the making.

Here are My Technology Boundaries for 2020

In a recent blog post I introduced the idea of creating a personal Technology Manifesto for 2020.

Backstory: I want to decide in advance how I’m going to utilize digital media and technology. I know I struggle with picking up my phone too much, scrolling through social media in excess, and generally letting technology be a distraction from the real world around me. So in an effort to continue to make my relationship with technology healthier, I have drafted my 2020 Technology Manifesto. 

Today I’m sharing how I filled out the Technology Manifesto Worksheet and what I am committing to for 2020. 

My Relationship with Technology in 2020

• My use of my phone will be strategic, measured, and thoughtful. I mentioned in this post that my word for the year is “strategic.” I want to maximize the tool that is my smartphone for helping me be productive, invest in relationships, and help others. But I don’t want to veer into territory that is not strategic. I don’t want to have addictive behavior. I want to be mindful of how and when and why I use my devices.

• I am going to take a break from social media for the month of July. I did this last year and it was the happiest month of 2019 for me. I love the experience of powering down in the summer and focusing more on my analog, IRL experiences. I think it is a great summer ritual that I want to continue.

• I will spend time without my phone entirely on a daily basis. I will plug it in, in my bedroom after putting Eloise to bed. Having it within arms length 24 hours per day is not healthy for me. This is by far the most challenging commitment in my manifesto. But I know that after 7 PM use of my phone has low ROI. This is a healthy practice that will likely be difficult for a while in the beginning but hopefully soon it will become another nice healthy habit. No phone pickups after 7!! (This should really help with the next item on my manifesto.) 

• An action I will take to increase my enjoyment of technology is to make a game out of lowering my average number of weekly pickups. Right now it is at an average of 7 pickups per waking hour. WHAT THE… That number is shockingly insane to me. (If you have an iPhone you can check your number of pickups by going to Settings>Screen Time>See All Activity.) I want to lower this over the course of 2020 to an average of 1.25 pickups per hour for a total of only 20 pickups her day. This seems like a realistic amount. There’s never more than 20 time sensitive reasons to pick up my phone in a day. Usually it’s under five... 

So there ya have it. I fleshed out my purpose and rationale for my approach to my handheld devices this year. And then I made commitments to not having free rein with my technology. Measured. Thoughtful. Strategic. That’s what I want. I want to know where my time is going. Where my energy is going. Where my focus is going. I want my daughter to rarely see me on my phone (not the other way around.) And this public commitment to healthier technology habits is a great step in reaching out for accountability to reach that goal. 

So tell me. What do you want to do differently in your relationship with technology this year? Do you want to check your email less? Be more intentional about the hours you spend on YouTube? What about your Instagram habit? I would love to know what you are going to do to increase your happiness with technology in 2020. 

My 2020 Word of the Year (and my words for 2017-2019)

For the past several years I have chosen a word for the year. Choosing a word has been a great exercise in helping me get clear on my vision for the year ahead.

Coincidentally, the past four years have all started with the letter “S.” While the alliteration has been coincidental, the intent of the words have not. And it’s been fascinating to look back at each of these words and see how one links to the next and to the next. Reviewing each of these words takes me right back to where I was when I made the decision to commit to that word for the year. So, today I’m sharing my words for each of the past three years and my word for 2020. 

My word in 2017 was SURRENDER. That was the year that my husband and I knew we were ready to move to a new city but we didn’t know which city it would be, we didn’t know what jobs we would have, and we definitely didn’t know when it would happen. I had to make peace with not having control. (In an effort to take control when I had no control I chopped 13 inches off of my hair!) So I chose the word “surrender” and attempted to hold the year ahead with a loose grasp. We did end up moving that year. In May we relocated to Northern Virginia, right outside of DC. That was definitely a year full of change where I really had to go with the flow. New city. New jobs. New grocery store to learn. It was a shocking change after I had grown comfortable with our life together in Lynchburg where we had spent the previous five years. Even though I’m a person who craves and thrives on change, the lack of predictability that year was challenging. Surrender was the word because it’s what I needed to do. Side note: I can’t believe we are coming up on our third anniversary here in the DC area. Crazy. 

My word for 2018 was STEWARD. That was the year I was hoping to get pregnant but I didn’t know what was in store. I wanted to make lots of plans but with something like a potential pregnancy you just don’t know what to plan for! So, I had to move forward in my work and other goals as if that wouldn’t necessarily happen for me right away. I knew I wanted to steward well whatever God had for me that year whether it was a pregnancy, a show contract, speaking opportunities, etc. Well the message came loud and clear, by the end of the month of January we were expecting. That was the year I turned down an offer to do a show in the area, focused on the pregnancy, and oh yeah, started a little podcast called Hustle & Grace. I was sick and tired a lot that year but we had a healthy baby girl in October. What an honor to steward that little life. 

In 2019 my word for the year was SAVOR, which my friend Beth McCord, the Enneagram Coach, says is the word that Enneagram 7’s should focus on as we are always thinking two steps ahead and looking forward. “Savor” is a great word to focus on to center yourself in the present. I knew I’d be saying “no” to some opportunities and there would be a lot of stillness and simplicity in my life whereas I’m used to lots of busyness and excitement. So I found myself chewing on what it meant to “savor” quite a lot. I wanted to focus on savoring last year because I really wanted to be fully present in Eloise’s first year of life. I knew I was only going to have a baby for a little while. And now that Eloise has launched into toddler years I’m stunned by how true that statement was. Babies don’t keep, yall! I’m so glad that I focused hard on savoring each moment in 2019. It was the sweetest, sweetest year.

I had some mixed feelings about my word for 2020. When it initially came to me I thought “well that is not a sparkly, magical, warm and fuzzy word.” But the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was perfectly perfect for me right now. And that word is STRATEGIC. 

Why strategic? I have a history of not always making decisions in a very strategic way. If a door opened to me that sounded fun or challenging or scary or exciting I’d probably just walk through it. If it felt “new” or “out of the ordinary” it felt like reason enough. But my priorities have shifted. I’ve become keenly aware of my “closet of time” (like I mentioned in a recent Hustle & Grace episode) and I have to be strategic about making choices that have the biggest payoff. For example, there was a time that I might take every speaking gig that came my way simply because traveling to new cities around the country was fun. But now, that’s not enough of a payoff for me. I need to be strategic in my “YESes” and in my “NOs.” I need to know what my why is behind every decision I make, particularly any decision that affects my family. Time is precious. Memories with family are precious. Resources are finite. I want to make sure every work decision, financial decision, time decision, and technology decision I make is STRATEGIC.

So there ya go. That’s my word for 2020. And it’s already affecting my decision-making. 
Now I want to hear what YOUR word for 2020 is! Leave a comment here or HMU on Instagram or Twitter. 

My 2020 Technology Manifesto

Toward the end of last year when I was reviewing 2019 and thinking about 2020, I reviewed my relationship with technology. One thing I noticed?

July, the month that I was off of social media, was the happiest month I remember having all year.

Maybe it’s because more good stuff happened that month or maybe it was because I was really mindful and present in my own life without the distraction of social media.

Whatever the case, I know I want to take a break from social media again this July. I think it’s going to be an annual thing for me, part of a summer vacation ritual.

In addition to my social media break, I also read the books Deep Work and Digital Minimalism. Both books advocate for a minimal, measured, disciplined approach to technology. (In fact, their author Cal Newport has never even had a social media account.)

The truth is, I’m a part of a generation that has grown up passively accepting new technology as it was handed to us. But I want to use my agency to decide how and when to use technology, as opposed to just becoming a passive addict of whatever pops up next. I want to strategically use it as a tool to connect with others on my terms. I don’t want it to be something that I use to numb out and combat boredom.

So, I created the 2020 Technology Manifesto originally for myself, because I felt the need to critically think about how I want to go about technology in 2020, but then I realized it could be helpful for others so I put together this printable worksheet.

With some challenging questions to answer, the 2020 Technology Manifesto is a one-pager that helps you flesh out your own thoughtful and measured approach to technology this year. If your use of your smartphone, streaming video, or social media ever bums you out or feels like a huge distraction or time suck, I encourage you to grab your copy of the 2020 Technology Manifesto. Fill it out to reflect your own values and commit to a better, healthier relationship with technology in 2020. 

I’ll be sharing mine, right here on the blog next week. And I’d love to see yours too! Take a picture of it, post it on Instagram with the hashtag #technologymaninfesto, tag me, and you’ll be entered to win a copy of Digital Minimalism.

5 Steps to Set and Achieve Your Career Goals

January provides a natural fresh start to reexamine career goals and adjust your strategy to make your dreams a reality. Sure, you can use the calendar change to resolve to lose weight or kick a bad habit, but you can also use it to put some renewed energy into your work. So where should you begin?

Setting and Achieving Your Career Goals

1. Start with your imagination. Close your eyes. It is New Years Day, next year. You are looking back on the year you just completed–on all that you’re proud of and happy to have experienced and accomplished. What happened over the year to make you feel that way? What are those career highlights? Jot them down.
   

2. Reflect on your current reality. Think through what you want and what you are dissatisfied with in your current state. What are your pain points in your career? Frustrations in your current job? Hopes?
   

3. Get clear on your 10-year career goals and then work backward. Do you know where you want to be a decade from now? While your aspirations will likely change, it’s important to determine where you want to go so you can have a clear direction in your goals today. You always have the freedom to change direction, but you need to get clear on a long-term goal you want to aim for today.
   

4. Flesh out the practical steps you can take to move the needle in the next 90 days. After you have fleshed out what you want your career to look like in ten years, determine what needs to happen within the next five years to get you there. What about three years? Two? What needs to happen this year to help you in the direction of your career goals? Now, what steps do you need to take this quarter to help you reach those one-year goals? This is what you need to focus on now.
   

5. Keep those 90-day goals in front of you on your desk. As you plan your tasks for the week, your calendar, and your to do list, make sure you are taking steps this week that will move the ball down the field toward your 90-day goals.

The truth is, you can do something in the next five minutes that will advance your career, whether it is reaching out to an old colleague, reading an article on industry predictions, or logging on to LinkedIn to do a quick review of your profile. There’s no reason that this can’t be the year you make great leaps in your career. It starts with clarity in identifying what you want and the clear steps you need to take to get there.

For help crystallizing your 2020 goals, download the free New Year’s Goal Setting Workbook.

A version of this article originally appeared on McKinleyMarketingPartners.com.

My Year In Review: 2019 By the Numbers (1st Year as a Working Mom!)

This was one of those years that felt like two or three or maybe four.

Every year around this time I do some reflecting and reviewing on the year that’s coming to a close. I ask myself questions like: what were the highlights? Am I happy with how I spent my time? What worked well? What do I want to change? How much did I earn (as a hybrid W2-Freelancer each year is a little different.)

When I was gathering my articles to review what I had written and watched throughout 2019, I was in disbelief to find that I saw The Music Man this year. It had to have been last year. It HAD to have been almost two years ago. Nope. Just goes to show what a full, full year it has been.

Motherhood! Working mom life! Work from home mom life! Phew. Curveballs and lessons galore.

For context: I returned to work from maternity leave on January 3. When you start the year completely sleep deprived and heading back to work with a baby that’s not sleeping and shows no signs of any kind of predictability, it makes the days and months feel long. For me, the fog lifted in a major way when Eloise began to sleep through the night in May. And from that moment on time moved forward like a high speed train. I couldn’t keep up! Life feels so very, very different than it did during those early infant days. My brain can hardly come to terms with the fact that this all happened in the same year.

So, as skeptical as I am that this all occurred in the past twelve months, I ‘d still like to present my 2019 by the numbers and some of my favorite things I’ve gotten to create and be a part of in this grand and bewildering year that closed out the decade.

Best of 2019: 

1. Mark Twain Prize for American Humor Honors Dave Chappelle. This was a wild experience. I got to interview folks on the red carpet before the big event. You’ll be able to watch the whole thing when it airs on PBS in January.

2. Review: Mike Birbiglia’s The New One. This just so happens to have been the first live theatre date night JC and I got to go on since Eloise was born. And the whole show is about the experience of becoming a parent for the first time. It was hilarious. And it’s now on Netflix. So go watch it ASAP.

3. Captain Marvel, Disney+, and Star Wars: 8 Content Marketing Lessons from Walt Disney Studios. This is the year I became a marketing conference speaker! I loved sharing what marketers can learn from Walt Disney Studios with audiences in D.C., Boston, and Raleigh. I hope to take this show on the road again next year and visit some other great cities. If you’d like me to speak at your thing, HMU!

4. Podcast Interview with American Idol’s Jeremiah Lloyd Harmon. My most popular Hustle & Grace episode of the year was with my sweet-as-can-be friend Jeremiah. His talent is jaw-dropping and the world took notice when he was on American Idol this year. We had a fantastic conversation and I am still chewing on his insightful perspective on minimalism.

5. 5 Ways Hiring Managers Can Get Positions Filled Fast (Washington Post Careers Blog). A personal highlight of the year (especially as someone who lives in the DC metro area) was getting an article published on the Washington Post’s Careers Blog!

How I Spent My Time in 2019

I got to take in 11 live shows in 2019 from Kristin Chenoweth in Concert to Jagged Little Pill on Broadway. I loved (most of) what I saw. Here is the vault of all of my reviews for DC Metro Theater Arts in one handy spot.

I also got to attend the Arts Summit at the Kennedy Center and get an early tour of the new buildings at the Kennedy Center called The Reach. Have I mentioned that the Kennedy Center is my favorite place in Washington, D.C.?

I spoke at three conferences this fall and moderated a panel at another. Speaking took me from Boston to Raleigh this year and I had a blast. With each new engagement I grew in confidence and really felt I got to improve my speech. I love, love, loved this—and it wasn’t something I planned or a goal I set for this year. Life lesson alert! Sometimes when doors open you just walk through them. Can’t plan for every awesome thing (as much as my Enneagram 7 heart wants to have all the things to look forward to.) Huge highlight of the year.

I ran a 5K in March and attended the weddings of three friends this year. The 5K was brutal for several reasons (basically having to do with that I hadn’t fully recovered from having a baby when it was time to train for the race). The weddings were fabulous.

JC and I celebrated our first Mothers Day and Fathers Day with Eloise. It is an utter delight being her parents.

We hosted out of town guests several times this year and loved taking Eloise to ten different states to meet people who already loved her. She is quite the traveling baby.

I saw only six movies in the theater this year. Big change from last year. In 2018 I wrote down that I had seen 17 movies by July (RIP MOVIEPASS!!) and then I stopped counting, but I’d venture to say I probably saw 20 or more. ‘They’ were right about the whole “you don’t go to the movies as much when you have kids” thing. I LOVE to go to the movies and treasure every time I get to go.

One of the bigger highlights of 2019 was that we finally settled on a local church and have gotten involved. Our family attends a community group twice a month with other families who have little kids and I volunteer with the music and worship ministry. I sing vocals on a regular basis and also really enjoy live hosting on stage.

And here is my year by the numbers:

40 articles

26 podcast episodes

15 trips 

15 new words (Eloise’s ;-))

12 months of nursing

10 new teeth (Eloise’s ;-))

5 reviews 

5 months of sleep deprivation

3 speeches

1 surreal trip to the south lawn of the White House

1 wasp sting

That about sums up my year. I absolutely LOVE reflecting on the past and looking toward the future. I freakin live for this week between Christmas and New Years to do JUST THAT.

What a brief moment in time NOW is. Let’s soak it up and live in gratitude for what we have, right here, right now. (*I think it’s ok to not be grateful for the wasp sting though.)

Disney Plus has launched. Here are four lessons for content marketers.

I have spent much of this fall speaking at marketing conferences on what content marketers can learn from Walt Disney Studios’ recent business decisions: from live action remakes to acquiring Lucas Films (Star Wars) to launching Disney Plus.

I want to share just a couple of the ideas I’m discussing at the Digital Summit Series. By the way, you can catch me sharing the full presentation this week at the Internet Summit in Raleigh, North Carolina. I would love to see you there!

This is a big week for Disney fans. Disney+, the Walt Disney Company’s much anticipated streaming service has arrived in North America. It’s a big deal for a company that has made billions in the traditional film and television industries. Bob Iger, Disney CEO calls it “hastening the disruption of our own business,” according to Iger’s new memoir, The Ride of a Lifetime. 

But Disney has been making smart and strategic moves as they enter the streaming services fray. And since no company quite encapsulates the gold star of storytelling-meets-business quite like Disney, there are multiple lessons marketers can learn from the mouse. Here are five content marketing lessons from the launch of Disney+.

1. When new technology disrupts, get in the game and do it better. Streaming services like Netflix have monumentally shifted how people take in film and television. It’s had a huge impact: from shuttering all but one Blockbuster video store to a decline in movie theater ticket sales. Instead of dwelling on the creativity of the past, Disney is innovating to stay relevant. Disney has strategically acquired Marvel, Lucas (Star Wars), National Geographic, Pixar, and 21st Century Fox and thus is able to compete with heavy hitters like Netflix and Amazon. Their secret weapon is characters that people feel strong emotional connections to, and they’re using that to their advantage.

2. Repurpose content to connect with your audience. Repurposing content is critical to a savvy content marketing strategy. And with the launch of Disney+, Disney is doing exactly that. From Disney Channel original shows to animated classics that have been in the vault, Disney is aggregating all of their content and putting it in a new format to reach a larger audience. Some people who resonate with your content won’t read a white paper. But they will listen to a podcast. They might download an infographic. Repurpose strong content to reach your audience in new ways. Repurpose to stay relevant.

3. Expand on content that resonates. Disney isn’t just bringing old stuff out of the archives. Yes, you can watch Darkwing Duck to your heart’s delight, but it’s also creating new content with characters that you already know and love. The first of its big budget franchise expansion shows is The Mandalorian, a Star Wars live-action television show directed by Jon Favreau. Disney dropped a cool $100 million on the series. Disney has plans for at least four Marvel television shows as well--all with the original film stars. Disney is bringing new stories and new shows to beloved characters and franchises that people love. Content marketers should too. Dive into your analytics. Which pieces of content performed very well? How can you take a deeper dive? At McKinley Marketing Partners I wrote one article on ageism and saw that it got 4x the number of clicks than other articles published in that month. So we took a deep dive and wrote a four-part investigative series. Pay attention to what resonates with your audience and serve them by expanding on it. 

4. Make the first “yes” easy. Disney is starting at a very low price point: $6.99 per month--$6 cheaper than Netflix’s standard package. Users can download content to ten devices with 7 different accounts. This is an easy entry point. So how can you make the first “yes” easy with your content? Create an experience for your audience that makes them think, “Well of course I’ll trade my email address for this download. That’s a no brainer.” 

Creativity and a commitment to excellence are what set Disney apart from its competitors decades ago. But it’s Disney’s innovation and commitment to embracing technology that continue to make them the top story-based business in the world. This applies to your content marketing program as well. Look at your analytics with fresh eyes. What story is it telling you? What should you repurpose or expand? What technology do you need to pay attention to in your vertical? What do you need to do differently to approach your content the Disney way? 

Thoughts On Motherhood and Baby's First Birthday

This week we are celebrating Eloise’s first birthday and our first anniversary of becoming parents, so I wanted to share some thoughts from the motherhood perspective. Milestones are mile markers for reflection. I love these special days when we can take time to reflect and look forward with the unusual feeling of a change brewing. This weekend brought the first bit of chill in the air here in Northern Virginia and the timing couldn’t have been more appropriate. A season is changing. We’re beginning Eloise’s second year of life.
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This first year was full of paradoxes. Becoming a mom is the craziest, most drastic change. And yet, the way I care for Eloise feels so natural, I never even noticed the change creep up on me. This kind of care for another and fierce protectiveness is like nothing I’ve ever felt. I’m a youngest sibling, you see. I don’t have much of a “protective” “sacrificial” gene. And yet it feels the most normal and natural. ⁣
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In retrospect, those first twelve weeks were in.sane. Giving birth, learning to breastfeed, healing from physical trauma, dealing with crying, and complete lack of sleep is a ridiculous weight to carry. I know people go through difficulties like that (and much graver), but it was certainly the most difficult experience I’ve ever had. It felt like being a non-swimmer who was forced to jump off the high dive. Just flailing and shouting and hoping for the best. 😂 Everything post month three was MUCH easier. It was like being forced to dive off the side of the pool—not quite as crazy and unrealistically difficult as the first three months, but the need for grit and focus is still very present—especially if you don’t know what you’re doing. Then post month six was like doggy paddling in the deep end. It’s still relentless work, but the more you do it, the more you get the hang of it. And you may even get moments to float on your back.
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Another paradox—this year has been crazy fast and wildly long. Time truly perplexes me. How is it JUST NOW October & ALREADY October. I don’t get it. ⁣I thought baby’s first year was going to last forever. I was shocked to see pumpkins outside Wegmans in September. Could fall really be coming around again? The truth is, I had such a mental hurdle to get over to fully realize I was having a baby that I never gave much mental energy to the fact that I wasn’t only having a baby. I was also going to have a toddler, and a preschooler, and a little girl. I’m just now beginning to think about what life will be like with a toddler around. “Babies don’t keep” as they say…
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This year with our dear girl has been the hardest and the best. The most delightful and the most sleepless. The most stressful and the most laugh-filled. ⁣
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Each day focusing in on her, putting the screen down, being present, watching her discoveries, putting on my one woman children’s theatre show 😂, putting the time in, has truly felt like a spiritual discipline. Each moment of putting her before myself makes me feel more connected to God. Every day being her mother is teaching me what it means to love someone else more than myself. I don’t always “feel” like changing a diaper or picking up a sippy cup that was thrown off a high chair (again), but love is action. Love is a deliberate choice. ⁣
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This year has been so rich. Life and love and fear and care are all in such vivid technicolor. And it’s been a wonderful year because Eloise is wonderful. But it’s also been wonderful because I have an incredible partner who has been in the trenches with me. Growing in my career and raising a delightful, healthy human simply wouldn’t be possible without JC. What a teammate. What a guy. Best of husbands and best of men (to lift from LMM). ⁣

I also have to mention that community is essential. My parents have been an incredible lifeline and support. My close friends who collectively have decades of experience parenting have been there to answer questions and give opinions. And my close friends who don’t have kids, but are so present on this life-altering journey with me, holding space for conversation about Eloise’s sleep patterns, my confusion about my sadness of her getting older, and even my unusual work schedule, listening in as a sounding board for the details that make up the fabric of our lives.
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All these elements have been transformative, but nothing more than meeting our Eloise and learning about who she is. It’s crazy to watch with my own two eyes this little 8 lb 7 oz alien transform into a funny, happy, curious, little delight of a human. I’m so grateful to be here to witness Eloise meeting the world, and the world meeting her. What a beautiful, beautiful year it has been. What adventures await us in year two, E? Let’s find out. Love you to the moon.

13 Things I Learned from Taking a Social Media Break

Last month I took a break from social media—the first substantial one I’ve taken in like 9 years.

(Full disclosure: the last time I did this I was avoiding the temptation of spying on an ex I was trying to shake. Who among us hasn’t stalked an ex but also didn’t want to have anything to do with them?) 

Now my life is wildly different: I use social media to connect with my podcast community, readers, clients, potential clients, and to occasionally share pictures of my ca-ute baby. 

I didn’t have one big reason for logging off social media. I just had this feeling that I was on it too much. I didn’t feel like I had a “problem.” But as soon as I logged off for a few days, I realized I did. Over the course of 31 days I had realization after realization of the way that social media—when unchecked—can steal joy, time, autonomy, creativity, and peace. 

Throughout my break I had lots and lots of thoughts and epiphanies about my experience. I jotted them all down and will unpack them over the course of a few blog posts. (I started in a recent post detailing how to nail a social media break without losing your mind.) 

Here are 13 things I learned during my social media sabbatical. I split them up into four main categories as these were the areas I saw were most affected: health (mental and otherwise), relationships, work, and autonomy.  I wonder if you can relate.

On Relationships

• I have a more accurate picture of my relationships when I don’t use social media as a crutch to feel connected. I became keenly aware of who I was intentionally reaching out to and who I heard from without the crutch of social media keeping us connected. When I’m seeing my close friends’ Instagram stories every day, days and weeks can go by without an intentional check in with them. Without that crutch I realized when I was both connected and disconnected from my friends.

• I used social media to stave off the pain of isolation. I became much more aware of my aloneness (not always ‘loneliness’) when I quieted the constant chatter of social media. I’m a work from home mom and an Enneagram 7. So while unplugging from social media reminded me of how I wanted more social interaction, it felt healthy and good to sit in the reality of my life (even if it’s painful) more often. After all, more interaction on social media doesn’t really meet the need for community that I have.

• During my break I was blissfully unaware of the daily details of the people I’m connected to on social media but not in real life. It’s so easy to become passive observers of people’s online lives who we don’t ever interact with. This doesn’t feel in line with my values.

On Work 

• My work became more productive and focused when I was not distracted by social media. When I was in need of a distraction after a hard think during my social media sabbatical, I would switch to some kind of simple task but it was never a black hole of distraction where I blinked and 20 minutes had disappeared. This led to more productivity and less frustration with myself.

• I’m more intentional with my personal and work connections when I’m not distracted by social media. I’ve been sending notes via snail mail!

On Autonomy

• On social media we are relinquishing our privacy, and we don’t even care. Companies know about our purchasing habits, political leanings, whether we’re married, a parent, religious affiliations… They have a disturbing amount of information that they can sell to third parties or use to their advantage to sell products to us.

• These apps are designed to be addictive. Those who use them are not autonomous; we are being manipulated by tech companies. Did you know that the notification button on Facebook was changed from blue to red because humans are drawn to red? “A lifetime of looking at stop signs, flags and warnings has taught us that we usually have to pay attention to the color red…Seeing them can release a small dose of cortisol, the stress hormone, which makes them want to click the app to get rid of them. This stress is followed by a small release of dopamine…when we read the message, creating an addictive cycle which can be hard to escape,” writes George Harrison of The Sun.

• I was not on my phone as much overall but I still found ways to passively use it to combat boredom (not necessarily a good thing). Social media can be a big time suck but mobile devices, whether on social media or not, are really a big piece of not letting ourselves get bored.

On Health (Mental and Otherwise) 

• My mind needs to be bored more often. When I have unrestricted access to social media I am always entertained. But my mind needs the refresh of being alone to wander.

• It’s important to take stock of what feels compulsive or toxic to you. For me: keeping social apps on my phone (Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Messenger.) I eventually opted to respond to messages on LinkedIn if they were time-sensitive (and obviously, work-related). Things like podcasts, email, streaming video, text messaging do not land in the “compulsive/toxic” category for me, so I did not put limitations on them.

• Being on vacation and not having the option of giving a live play-by-play of my vacation on social media was freeing. I spent the last week of my break on vacation with my family. I could just be present. And I knew I wasn’t giving other people a reason to be jealous or feel bad about their own lives. It made me want to always pair social media breaks with vacation! It was so renewing.

Overall Conclusions 

It is very difficult to find the discipline to have a healthy relationship with social media. I don’t often have the energy for it. I don’t want to be a passive social media addict. But also, not being one is HARD. It takes thoughtfulness and discipline. And sometimes other aspects of my life use up my thoughtfulness and discipline reserves, so I don’t have much to give to living out my ideals on social media. The easiest thing is to just disconnect altogether.

I also want to figure out how to use social media and create content that helps people feel good and not bad. I know I can’t control how other people feel. But sometimes social media can really be used to help, inspire, and encourage. And somehow, I want to be in that camp—not the camp that leaves people living in the land of comparison and FOMO. This is difficult to measure, but a good goal.

Now that I took a month off from social media I think this will be something that I do on a regular basis. It felt great to unplug and free myself from the need to keep up (in so many ways). Social media is an incredible tool, but it can easily become toxic. In some seasons the best thing to do is to step away completely. 

Hey while you’re here—want 10 seasoned freelancers’ best career advice? Grab the Freelancer Cheatsheet here.

Advice from 10 Seasoned Freelancers and Entrepreneurs

Riddle: What do a choreographer, fundraiser, playwright, screenwriter, photographer, interior designer, paper goods designer, calligrapher, actress, writer, coach, composer, and marketer all have in common?

They are all freelancers. 

A couple of years ago I was writing the curriculum for Going Freelance and I reached out to some seasoned freelancers to ask them what their #1 piece of advice would be to succeed as a freelancer. Their answers were brilliant. So I included all of them as a handout to the students in my workshop. Now, I’m excited to make it available to anyone for free. Curious? Get it here.

10 Tips for Taking a Social Media Sabbatical

This is the first in a series of posts on taking a break from social media, my decision to become a digital minimalist, and my approach to social media moving forward. 

Last month I took a break from social media. In advance of my break, I crowdsourced advice on how to prepare for it to make sure it was a success. This is a mix of the advice I received and observations I made after I completed it. If you want to do a social media detox, implementing these ten ideas will definitely help you execute it successfully.

10 Tips for Taking a Social Media Sabbatical

1. Choose when you will take your break thoughtfully. I chose July because I was in between seasons of my podcast and my focus was not on promoting content. It was on being head down working and spending time with my family. Determine a time that makes sense for you based on when you can step away from social media and achieve your goal most easily.

2. Delete the apps off your phone. Reset your browser cache. The fewer reminders you have about social media, the easier it is to resist the temptation of mindlessly tapping a button.

3. Let people know you’re taking a break. Add contact info into your social bios. If you have an audience or community you serve, don’t just disappear.

4. Have a plan to replace your social media time. Elizabeth Barnes Bober gave me this advice: “have a book handy, a nail file, friends you want to text, whatever. Some activity to distract your brain and fingers when you get a craving.” This was perhaps the most helpful advice I received. Be prepared to fill the time you used to devote to social media with something else. If you know you’re going to want to scroll Instagram while you’re in line at the store, figure out in advance, something else to replace that activity to lessen temptation when it comes.

5. If you have content that needs to be promoted or you need to keep some form of content flowing, consider alternatives such as: scheduling content before you take your break or asking someone else to be a ‘guest poster’ for you for certain days or a week at a time. This second approach is a tactic that Lin Manuel Miranda uses from time to time on Twitter.

6. Have a plan for responding to any comments while you’re gone. Hire a virtual assistant to respond to comments one or two times per week. Give a trusted friend or family member your login info and have them check in on it from time to time.

7. Take it up a notch--have designated times and spaces for your phone. Ie no phone after 8pm, no phone in bedroom, etc. Cal Newport, author of Deep Work and Digital Minimalism recommends leaving your phone in your entryway each night. This is a great way to move your phone from “constant companion” to strategically used tool.

8. Choose a time where at least part of the time your routine is out of the norm. For example, a family member is visiting or you’re going on vacation.

9. Have a plan for capturing moments and photos. I loved creating an album on my phone of the highlights of the month. Instead of losing them forever to the album of thousands of photos on my phone or the disappearing photos on Instastories, I now have an album of 30 or 40 photos that encapsulate some of my best memories from the month. I’ve already started making one for August because I enjoyed this so month. And if you feel like you will really miss sharing photos on social media, you can even make an album on your phone of “to share later” photos and video. You can choose to share later, or not.

10. Jot down the observations you make about your break. The goal of any break isn’t just to go back to the way things were before, once it’s over. Writing down your observations will give you insights as you move forward after the break.

Like any discipline, there are things you can do to help your detox be less tempting and less uncomfortable. Applying these ten tips was so helpful to me, I really wasn’t sure if I was ready to come back to social media at the end of my month. I’m looking forward to my next break!

If you know you need a change when it comes to social media, I suggest you download the Technology Manifesto Worksheet. This is a free worksheet that you can fill out to help you get more clarity on your values and how you want to live them out online. Download it below.

The Hack That Helps Me Sleep Better and Combat Anxiety

About two months ago, I returned to work full time after becoming a parent. Even though I work from home, the transition has been challenging. Getting back into a rhythm of work plus finding the right childcare, continuing to physically heal and get my strength back, navigating the world of baby development, maintaining friendships, investing in my marriage, continuing to work to find community in our new city, and growing my freelance business can leave me in a spiral of anxiety.  

It’s a lot and I sometimes feel like there’s more for me to manage than can fit in my brain at any given time. Sound familiar?

For a few weeks I had a hard time going back to sleep after feeding my daughter in the middle of the night. It was like my mind thought it needed to stay awake to process life changes and solve problems when I really just needed to sleep. 

The Hack That Helps Me Sleep Better and Combat Anxiety

Recently I got back into a habit that has really helped me reset my mind before going to bed. This helps me all through the night. I take about three minutes before turning the lights out to jot down the highlights of my day in a little notebook I’ve oh so originally dubbed my “highlights journal.” This does a few things:

1. It forces me to identify a win from the day. Some days are just hard. Or tiring. Or both! Rather than letting my final thoughts before bed be about how I failed or what frustrated me, I consciously choose to find and focus on a positive moment from the day. 

2. It improves my mood. Thinking about my two to three favorite moments of the day—whether it’s my baby’s new trick, a delicious meal, or a great conversation with a client— is an automatic mood booster. 

3. It keeps me present. As a futuristic thinker, I’m prone to think 6 steps ahead but taking a moment to reflect on the day and write down the highlights reminds me how good this moment is and to to savor it.

So if you’re like me and you find yourself awake at night trying to mentally spin half a dozen plates, give the highlights journal hack a try. 

Back to Work After Maternity Leave

Photo by hannah foster

If you’re a blog reader but don’t follow along with my journey on social media or my podcast, you may be surprised to know that I’ve been rather silent on the blog the past five months because I had a baby in October. It has been a wonderful whirlwind and slowly but surely I’m picking back up the outlets and commitments that I had prior to becoming a mom.

I’m excited to share that very shortly the Hustle & Grace podcast will be back with all new episodes. I’ve already recorded several episodes including one with an enneagram expert. The conversations I’ve gotten to have thus far have been fascinating.

Becoming a mother—and a working, writing, entrepreneur mom at that—has given me much more to write about than I’ve had time but I have tried to jot down my observations over on Instagram when I’ve been able to. You can catch up a bit on my motherhood journey there.

Here’s my first post after Eloise was born.

Here are reflections on the first month of parenthood.

This is my word for 2019.

These are some thoughts on getting back into the groove of work.

This is a short poem I wrote on growing up.

And this is a few observations I made after being back at work 6 weeks.

I look forward to sharing more with you soon.

Catching Up on Hustle & Grace Episodes 7-13

I kind of can’t believe it but we’re already up to 13 episodes on Hustle & Grace!

(You can find quick recaps of 1-6 here). 

Have I mentioned what joy this podcast is giving me?

Now, honestly, as awesome as that is, it's not really the point of the podcast. It’s about bringing you value, takeaways, and inspiration, but an awesome bonus has been how totally delightful it is to dream up each episode, talk with fascinating people, learn a TON, and then share it with the world. Thank you, thank you, thank you for listening!

If you've taken a little summer vacay from your podcast listening routine, here's the dish on what you'll want to catch up on ASAP: 

Episode 7: Caitlin Pyle began her work-at-home journey after getting brutally fired from her $16-per-hour corporate job in 2011. She quickly replaced her lost income by freelancing as a proofreader. Then she transitioned to helping others build their own work-at-home incomes through her blog, ProofreadAnywhere.com and later through WorkAtHomeSchool.com. Through plenty of hustle and grace, Caitlin's freelance business evolved into the multimillion-dollar media company it is today.

In this episode, Caitlin shares tips she swears by in running her own business and creating the life of her dreams. We discuss the exciting project that brought us together: WorkAtHomeSchool.com.

More About Caitlin: https://caitlinpyle.co/

Caitlin’s podcast: Work-At-Home Heroes 

Episode 8: Lisa Rowan is a senior writer and on-air analyst at The Penny Hoarder, one of the largest personal finance websites in America. She also cohosts Pop Fashion, a top-rated weekly podcast about the business of fashion and culture. A former full-time freelance writer and vintage shop owner, she is well versed in the gig economy and the small-business landscape. Her financial advice has been featured in Women’s Health, Family Circle, Refinery29, Real Simple, The New York Times, and NBC News.

In this episode Hilary brings Lisa, millennial finance expert, all her burning questions about budgeting on multiple income streams, what millennials need to know about saving, and the finance trends everyone under 40 should be paying attention to.  

Recommendations from Lisa:
ThePennyHoarder.com
Get Money by Kristin Wong
Broke Millennial by Erin Lowry
Planet Money

Connect with Lisa on Twitter and Instagram @LisaTella.

Episode 9: Susan Shain is a freelance writer and digital nomad who's been traveling around the world since 2008. She's written about personal finance, travel, and food for outlets like The New York Times and CNN, and does content marketing writing for businesses of all sizes. She's also the founder of WhereToPitch.com, a website for freelance writers, and author of a pay-what-you-want eBook called "The Ultimate Guide to Seasonal Jobs: How to Have Fun, Make Money, and Travel the World."

In this episode, Susan shares how she has made a living living working in locations all over the world. She shares her tips for breaking into seasonal work and freelance writing and why community is a critical component of self-care for digital nomads and seasonal workers alike. 

Recommendations from Susan:
Duolingo
Trello
The Art of Nonconformity by Chris Guillebeau
CoolWorks.com
Pimsleur

Connect with Susan at SusanShain.com and on Twitter at Susan_Shain.

Episode 10: Austin Graff leads talent marketing, brand, and social media for The Washington Post and is a contributor to On Parenting, news, advice, and essays for parents from The Washington Post. Prior to joining The Washington Post, Austin led digital, social, and influencer marketing for Coca-Cola’s Honest Tea brand, America’s #1 organic iced tea company. He started out his career leading social media and celebrity relationships for International Justice Mission, the largest human rights organization in the world. After growing up in Russia and Kazakhstan and attending boarding school in Germany, Austin came to the USA for university. He now proudly lives in Washington, D.C. with his wife, baby daughter, and two roommates.

In this episode, Austin talks about his career at The Washington Post, Honest Tea, and International Justice Mission. He also unpacks his unique philosophy of living with roommates while parenting, his time management hacks, and how he cultivates boundaries and balance in his life. 

Connect with Austin on Instagram and Twitter.

Episode 11: The Truth About Freelancing: In this episode, I unpack the state of freelancing in the U.S., the drawbacks of freelancing, the benefits, and 10 characteristics of people who thrive as freelancers. If you want to know more about my story and experience as a freelancer, go here. 

Connect with me on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.

Episode 12: Ashley Gorley has written 37 #1 singles and has had more than 300 songs recorded by artists such as Luke Bryan, Carrie Underwood, Florida Georgia Line, Blake Shelton, Brad Paisley, Jason Aldean and Darius Rucker.  He was named the ASCAP Country Songwriter of the Year in 2009, 2014, 2015, 2016, and 2017, Billboard Country Songwriter of the Year in 2013, 2016, and 2017, and the NSAI Songwriter of the Year in 2013, 2016 and 2017.  Gorley has been nominated for multiple Grammy and CMA and ACM Awards, and has received the CMA’s Triple Play Award eleven times in his career, which recognizes songwriters with three or more #1 songs in one year. In 2016, he became the first songwriter to be honored with three CMA Triple Play Awards in a single year, for earning nine chart-topping songs in a 12-month period. In 2011, Gorley formed Tape Room Music, a publishing company with a focus on artist development. Writers for Tape Room Music have already celebrated twelve #1 songs and eight top ten singles by artists such as Florida Georgia Line, Sam Hunt, Keith Urban, and Dustin Lynch.

At just 41, Nashville songwriter Ashley Gorley has written a mind-boggling 37 #1 hits. He has writing credits on over 300 recorded songs. Hilary got to sit down with the prolific songwriter, publisher, and producer to learn more about the hitmaker, what his day-to-day life is like, and why he prefers for Carrie Underwood to not do the singing in a writing session. 

Learn more about Ashley's publishing company, Tape Room Music.
Listen to the Spotify playlist of Ashley's #1 songs.

Episode 13: Melissa Guller, is the Head of Special Projects at Teachable - an online tool that allows anyone to create and sell their own online courses - and ever since she launched her first side hustle in 2015, Melissa has been hooked on online entrepreneurship and empowering people to go for their big, awesome dreams. A bit of a side hustle queen herself, Melissa has been a top-rated instructor at General Assembly NYC for 2+ years, and she has 1300+ students currently enrolled in her Skillshare course, “What Great Managers Do Differently.” Most recently, Melissa founded The Kindling, a community for millennial women building online businesses, blogs, and podcasts they love. 

Melissa Guller has made a career out of helping people monetize their expertise online. In this episode, Melissa and Hilary discuss tools to create online courses, Melissa's side hustle ventures, and why she swears by a "relaxed" list to avoid burnout.

Connect with Melissa on Instagram.

There is so much more to come in upcoming episodes I'm thrilled to share with you! Make sure you don't miss an episode by subscribing:  Apple Podcasts | Android | Google Play | Stitcher | RSS

5 Lessons I Learned After Making a Massive Mistake in My First Marketing Job

Years ago I made a bad calculation in my first marketing position. That mistake cost a struggling nonprofit thousands of dollars that it really didn’t have.

I couldn’t get over my error for a long time. In the moment I scrambled to find a “fix” but there really was none.

This is the first time I’ve spoken about this mistake in public because it rocked me so much. I was so embarrassed. I felt so guilty. And I also felt like there was very little I could do to fix my mistake. What’s done was done.

I’m sharing it today because I think it’s important that you know that even though I’ve moved forward building a career I really, really love, I haven’t always had a perfect, error-free go of it. Far from it. So today I’m sharing what I learned from one of my lowest career points.

1. Everyone makes mistakes at one point or another. You are not exempt--even if you try really hard. So go ahead and mentally prepare in advance for the time in the future when you will mess up. If you have a perfect record thus far, you probably have not been entrusted with much. So remember, that person that you admire so much for his or her career? They’ve definitely made mistakes. They’ve been embarrassed. They’ve cost someone else money or value. But it’s important to recognize that they moved forward. They moved on, learned from their mistakes, and added value for their clients and team in jobs after that one.

2. When it comes to making a big decision with a vendor or client on behalf of your company, if you are at all doubtful about your decision, double-check with leadership. You’ve been entrusted with tasks that your supervisor believes you can handle. Some leaders like to have a finger on the pulse of everything happening in the department they manage, and others would rather empower their people to make decisions. And still others have so much to manage, they have to entrust some decision-making to subordinates. If you are tasked with a decision that you don’t feel full confidence about, take the time to “bother” your busy supervisor. You may not want to. You may feel like it makes you look less competent or less confident. But the truth is, the discomfort you feel double-checking with leadership will be way less than the discomfort you will feel when you have to report a mistake you’ve made.

3. Don’t let mistakes define you. You don’t know what you don’t know. It’s easy to feel like making a big mistake on the job is a career-defining moment. Remember, there is a big difference between saying “I failed” and saying “I’m a failure.” Yes, you can swim in your sorrow about said mistake for a little while. That’s understandable. But you have to decide at some point to get back up, recognize that everyone has made a mistake at some point, and move forward. I remember getting congratulated on a job well done for my work in that marketing job by people who didn't know about my mistake. I felt like a fraud. But the truth is, what they appreciated about the work I did was true. I did do good work. The mistake I made didn't cancel out the good work I did. And it took me a long time to realize that. Your mistake does not define you. How you respond and learn and grow does.

4. When you make a mistake, own it. Passing blame will just amplify your error. Often times it’s much more comfortable to blame a mistake on someone else. “My superior should have given me more information.” “The vendor should have flagged it when they saw the order was unusual.” “My colleague should have…” None of these responses are helpful after the error has been made. And none of them help you avoid making similar errors in the future. Blaming others shows weakness--not courage. So when you realize you’ve made a mistake, own it. Apologize. And offer solutions to rectify the situation. Passing blame just makes an embarrassing situation more shameful.

5. After you make a mistake, learn from it. A mistake’s only value is teaching you something that you can implement in the future. So ask yourself, “What could I have done differently?” Review the entire scenario from start to finish. Journal about it. You may even write a full After Action Report like a military general. How will you choose to let this lesson impact your future decisions? Find the value in the bad situation by identifying your takeaways moving into the future.

Making mistakes on the job hurts. You can’t go back and change the past once the experience occurs. But you can take stock in what happened, learn from it, and move forward with courage. In my situation, I had trouble shaking it off. But over time as I learned lessons and experienced more wins, the pain of failing became more removed and now I can use it as a way to connect with others and encourage them. How can you move forward after failing and help someone else?

Want inspiration for creative and career fulfillment in your earbuds? Subscribe to Hustle & Grace with Hilary Sutton today!