6 Steps to Rewrite Your Internal Script Under Stress and Uncertainty
/The following article is a guest post written by psychologist Dr. Joy Lere.
When we face circumstances that smash plans and expectations, we can quickly become emotionally depleted. We crave prediction, calculation, and regularity. We favor an inaccurate forecast to no weather report at all. The COVID-19 pandemic has rapidly turned lives, routines, schedules, plans, relationships, and careers inside out.
The virus is eliciting a psychological and physical stress response that trips positive for most, regardless of whether they are infected, ill, or running a fever. The term “stress” typically does not instinctually free associate to something positive for most, yet it is in the crucible of some kinds of stress and strain that strength and growth can be forged.
Your life has been disrupted. Perhaps you are facing possible job loss and are experiencing a spike in financial anxiety. Maybe you are trying to adapt to a new role as a homeschool teacher but are feeling in over your head. You and your spouse are potentially struggling to sync schedules and share space as you attempt to work from home. The story you tell yourself about your current circumstances will impact your mood, and in turn, drive your behavior. Rewriting your internal script can serve to reduce stress and create psychological breathing room when you are feeling mentally claustrophobic. Here are six steps to rewrite your script when the show you are starring in has suddenly changed.
6 Steps to Rewrite Your Internal Script Under Stress and Uncertainty
1. Reframe. While there are many things that may exist far outside your scope of control, one of the most powerful is fully within your grasp: your internal monologue. In certain scenes in the act you are living, it may serve you to edit your lines. Be careful not to play on repeat extremes of “always” or “never” in your head. Be on guard against labeling people or circumstances negative with no redeeming quality. Consider the potential power of creative improvisation. We are all, to varied degrees, making the rules up as we go as we wade into uncharted waters. Experiment with something new, see if it works. If not, you received feedback; don’t confuse this with failure. Adjust as needed. Cast limitations as safeguards. Let restrictions be seen as new opportunities to restructure. You can’t go to the gym right now, but you now hold a free membership and all-access pass to a studio where you can develop resilience and adaptability. These characteristics will set you apart long after this chapter is over.
2. Inventory. Take stock of the resources currently available to you. While inventories often involve lists, they actually start with powerful questions. Consider:
What do you have?
How can you use it?
How can you give it?
What do you need?
What do you need?
Where can you find it?
Who holds it?
3. Focus on your haves. Develop a regular gratitude practice by journaling or saying aloud three things you are grateful for at the start of your day and close of your night. These are powerful psychological anchors when it seems as though the walls are closing in around you. When you consider your list of “have nots” respond with a plan to secure them, not self-pity.
4. Structure. As humans we crave rhythm, routine, predictability, and roadmaps. This is part of why this portion of lived history is proving to unravel and undo so many people in so many ways. We must accept that we cannot forecast, but we can —and must— continue to exist within the current fences of our lives. This is not vacation. This is not spring break. Develop a rhythm. Write out a schedule in advance. You’ve actually been given a new opportunity to figure out what the optimal one for you and your body is (hint: it’s maybe not 9-5). Practice flexible regularity. Rhythm with give and grace.
5. Act. Exercising agency will prevent psychological atrophy and emotional demise. In a world where much is out of your control, many things are not. Identify them, focus on them, do them. Find practical ways to prevent, protect, learn, and serve.
6. Speak. You are more likely to spin in your head if you exist in a psychological silo. Sort through your feelings, fears, and options aloud with trusted friends, family, and/or a therapist. Ensure that the people you are entrusting your inner world to are not a triggering stimulus for becoming increasingly emotionally flooded. If you are flailing in the deep end, make sure you are reaching out to someone who is clearly and securely on the side of the pool – not drowning next to you.
Broken expectations can leave sharp shards that, unless handled carefully, can result in blood loss and pain. Be diligent in how you are holding yours. Give the physical protective gear to the hospitals right now, but attend to your psyche with proper precautions. Use kit gloves when necessary. Now is the time to be compassionate and flexible, but it is not the time to lower the bar. More than ever, it is time to rise to the occasion. Pause (but don’t stop). Breathe. Invest. Create. Look. Discover. Contribute. Connect. Hope. Survive. Thrive.
Dr. Joy Lere is a psychologist, consultant, speaker, and writer who practices at the intersection of behavior and business, specializing in work on the merger of money and mindset. Dr. Lere has previously served as an Associate Clinical Professor of Clinical Psychology at George Washington University and has held clinical and research positions at Children's National Medical Center, Penn Medicine Princeton Health, and the Department of Defense. Connect with Dr. Lere here.