Being a Working Mom, Maternal Instincts and Mom Guilt

Let’s be honest. I was always a feeler. 

But motherhood has taken it up a few notches. What I care about more than anything is tiny and vulnerable and walking around outside of my body. I love these little people. I mean LOVE. 

I am a youngest child, so “protective” and “maternal” and “scared” were not really in my vocabulary until becoming a parent. 

I was told it would all change and change it did. I remember one of the first times I had a weird maternal anxiety moment. I was pregnant and walking on a subway platform. I had this vision of a stranger coming up and punching me in the stomach. My mom said that anxiety was just maternal instincts kicking in. Protect baby at all costs. See the danger before it surprises you. 

P r o t e c t . 

Even now when taking my girls out in the stroller I have visions of a dog getting loose and trying to attack them. I have visions of medium-sized dogs flying through the air as I fearlessly kick them like a field goal. I used to be scared of dogs. 

Maternal instincts. They come. 

The mama bear thing is REAL.

And so is mom guilt. 

Wow. Whyyyyy can’t I just enjoy the fact that I work and I also get to spend lots of time with my kids? Whichever role I’m in at any given time I feel like I should be giving more time to the other. 

I am generally a sensible person. A feeler, but sensible. So why can’t I grab this mom guilt by the horns and make sense of it? 

Can I blame Covid for this? Or Obama? Kim Kardashian? 

I just want to be a happy working mom living the dream of doing work I love, making good money, and spending lots of time with my kids.

So why can’t I settle down and just appreciate all of it without worry or guilt? 

Maybe I'll get a grip after I wean.

Or maybe I really can blame this on Covid.